If this is your first baby then you may have no idea that men and women adjust to their new life differently and in many cases, their response is the main cause of conflict. You’ve decided to have a baby to celebrate your strength as a couple, you thought that the little one will bring you closer together, and your family life after childbirth will be a time of maturity, intimacy and tenderness. But you’ve been disappointed and surprised to notice that having a baby is a more stressful experience than you’ve expected and it challenges your relationship.
Do not be reluctant to seek help if you are dealing with a stressful situation. Studies show that the transition to parenthood is a complex drain on the material resources of a family but also on their emotional and physical state. These problems often lead to a discontent for the parents and it can have detrimental consequences for the family.
Here are the main problems you can experience as a couple after you welcome your first baby.
You may experience relationship dissatisfaction
Most of the times parenthood doesn’t bring you closer together as a couple. It’s possible your relationship satisfaction to go down when transitioning to parenthood. There are numerous reasons why you may be unhappy with your relationship after welcoming your first baby:
- If you experienced communication problems before, chances are the existing problems to get worse
- Being your first pregnancy you probably have low parenting skills
- You have an irritable baby
- You grew some divergent or even unrealistic expectations about childrearing
- You think that the chores are managed in an unfair way
Do not worry, it’s normal to go through these states and to experience these conflicts because you as a couple are unprepared for welcoming a baby. Despite discussing with other parents, going to antenatal classes, and reading books you have no other experience. You will learn to adapt and as the baby grows you’ll both feel more relaxed.
What the new mom feels
If you are a new mom then you’re probably overwhelmed by the new role you have to take. Before the baby’s arrival you were surrounded by friends, you had a challenging career, but now all your life is orbiting around your new-born. You probably feel less important because you days are filled with feedings, diaper changes, household chores, and other similar activities. You may also experience body image issues because your breasts look differently, your hips are wider, and you may have some extra fat. Do not worry, your partner definitely considers you as attractive as you were before having the baby.
What the new father feels
If you are a new father, it’s normal to feel isolated and left out, but remember your baby is not your competitor for your partner’s attention. If the emotional states aggravate you can even experience depression and withdrawal. The best way to fight these emotions is to get involved in caring for your baby, you’ll split the chores and you’ll manage to spend more time with your partner than before. Also, you should spend one-on-one time with the little one, it is just fine to do things in your own way.
You no longer spend one-on-one time with your partner
Your baby’s arrival will alter some of your habits if not all of them, he or she will keep you busy, you’ll have to change the diapers, to console them, and there will be days when these activities will extend to endless hours. By the time when you will get to see your partner, you’ll be too exhausted to spend quality time together. Chances are both of you to be cranky because of sleep deprivation and even because you are not able to spend time together as you’d want.
The solution is to ask one of your friends or family members to babysit once a week, and spend some time alone as a couple. Also, you should try to find time to be a couple again, even if it’s just for a couple of minutes daily, it will you maintain your connection. When the little one will get older, it will be easier to do it.
Sex is a big post-baby problem
Research has found that most of the couples need around a year to return to their previous sex life, after having a baby. If you experience some discomfort, embarrassment, and you had some aborted attempts you should not stress yourself, all new parents go through these phases. You’re probably experiencing a loss of sexual intimacy and you should not ignore this aspect because it’s essential for a healthy relationship. Your abstinence period may’ve started during pregnancy because you felt uncomfortable about the idea of having sex or there were pregnancy complications. Do not let the pregnancy abstinence to lead to a long after baby abstinence period.
If you are a new mom and you had tearing during delivery, you may need a considerable time for recovery, and if you’ll have sex too soon after childbirth you’ll probably feel pain. But this does not mean that you should deprive yourself from experiencing the emotions intercourse brings, you can prepare yourself for the moment when you’ll have sex with your partner by wearing a pair of remote control vibrating panties. They will help you feel more excited for when you will be ready for an intimate relationship.
Only because now you aren’t ready for sex, it does not mean that you cannot enjoy intimacy with your partner. Specialists state that women have sex only when they feel intimate with their partner, whereas men do it to feel intimate. Both of you want intimacy rather than sex, and you can have it with some little adjustments in your life style.
Communication is a vital element for getting your sex life back on track, do not be afraid to tell your partner what the problem is, you’ll find a solution together. Share your feelings and don’t forget, all intimacy moments start with holding hands and cuddling.